Friends and Friendships

The most Earth shaking news in Malaysia after the World Cup this year was not Anwar's sodomy trial, nor was it the withdrawal of subsidies on sugar and fuel. Rather, the whole country zoomed in on one 28 year old Chinese Malaysian extraordinaire, Taek Jho Low, who was spotted partying with the world's most famous and fun-loving girls, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and the like.

When the photos of Taek Jho and his elite friends got out, international media hyped up the news and paparazzi chased after these people like crazy. Taek Jho became an instant celebrity. His boyish charm enchanted and captured the imagination of millions, especially those of Malaysians, both young and old.

Let's not discuss the morality of the extravagant lifestyle of the rich and famous, or whether partying on private yachts and drinking expensive wine is right. What I want to do is to talk about is the importance of friends and friendships in the journey of our quest for success.

There is a popular Chinese saying that goes like this: "While at home, depend on parents. While away, depend on friends."

Our friends do play a significant role in our lives. They impact not only the quality of our lives, but our overall success or failure as well. It has been said that “Friends are the family that we choose for ourselves.”

As humans we need friends. It is not just a nice thing to have friends, it is essential that we do. These people we call 'friends' are not just people who help us to fulfil our social needs and bring happiness to our lives, they serve a much larger long-term purpose.

There is another famous Chinese saying that goes literally like this: "If you are near a cinnabar, you will become red. If you are near the ink, you will become black."

What this proverb means is that the people you mingle with and call 'friends' are some of the most important people in your life. They will collectively define the kind of person you shall become. You may find this an exaggeration but it is absolutely true.

YOU are indeed who you are as a result of WHO you are with.

If you want to be a good-hearted person, you must surround yourself with good-hearted people. If all your friends are bad-hearted, you will find it impossible to practise your 'good-heartedness'.

For example, if the good deed of your helping an old man to cross the street or giving up your seat to a pregnant woman in the bus is ever 'leaked out' to your bad-hearted social circle, you will immediately be a social outcast. Your acts of kindness will be deemed 'socially unacceptable'.

In life, if you do not conform to the 'social norms', whatever they may be, you will soon find yourself marginalised as you will be unable to fit in.

Let's look at another example. Let’s say you are trying to achieve academic excellence but none of your friends cares about that. All they want to do is to hang around and have a good time. Every time they find out that you actually went to the library or studied at home, they laugh and label you as a 'kiasu bookworm' - the most socially uncool outcast in Lazyland.

How are you ever going to feel motivated if you continue to associate yourself with these lazy buggers?

On the other hand, let's picture this:

You are a good-hearted person and you befriend a group of equally good-hearted people. Due to this common interest, you guys often talk about how you could do more charity work and help more people, something which is very dear to all of your hearts.

When words get out that you helped an elderly man to cross the street or gave up your seat to a pregnant woman, you receive nothing but genuine praise and recognition from these friends of yours, who wish to do the same thing themselves.

Or taking the other example, you aspire to excel academically and you happen to be in a circle of 'academic elites'. These serious and hard working students take their schoolwork very seriously. You guys spend most of your time studying in the library or discussing project assignments after school. Everybody in this 'gang' has a vision of entering the best universities in the world such as Harvard, Yale, Oxford, etc.

Imagine if you are always with friends like these, will you not become one of them?

So you need to choose the right people to be your friends. Taek Jho Low studied in Harrow School, one of the most prestigious private schools in the UK, and subsequently attended one of the best business schools in the US, The Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania.

The morality of their extravagance and living a life of excess aside, the simple fact is that Taek Jho Loh did go from 'Malaysian Class' to 'World Class' because he associated himself with ‘World Class’ people.

So think about who you want to become and choose your friends carefully. And understand that while you observe and choose, you are also being observed and chosen.

But if you are serious about achieving success in life, you must be more selective about friends than the 'average' people who may not have such a grandiose vision as yours.

No, you do not have to do what Taek Jho Low does or live the high life that he lives. However, you do need to consciously choose to be friends with people who have a positive and winning attitude. And you must distance yourself from those who are negative and think like losers.

So anybody wants to be my friend?

“Life is about constantly going beyond limits!”
- Erican Chong