Acquaintances, Friends and Buddies

'Friends' is actually a generic term; it refers to 'all the people one knows'. This is, of course, an overly simplified definition.

There are actually different levels of friendship. The people that you know can be categorised into three different groups:

1. Acquaintances
2. Friends
3. Buddies

This is the natural progression of friendship development. Since nobody has unlimited amount of time for socialising, it is highly unlikely that anyone can develop friendships indiscriminately.

When you’re just starting out and your circle is still small, you are likely to want to make friends with anybody and everybody that you chance into. Your sole objective at this time would be to simply expand your social contacts.

However, as you grow and become more established, you realise that you need to be more selective about your friends and friendships. You must first decide what type of social circle you want to build, as this determines the kinds of friends you should have.

A friendship always begins with getting acquainted with someone somewhere, such as at a social function, at the workplace, in a bus, on a flight, in school, etc.

Each person you were introduced started off as an acquaintance, and the majority may remain as mere acquaintances.

Your 'social tentacles' are usually hard at work each time you meet someone, whether you know it or not. The minute you shake hands with a person, an impression is formed and you will develop a like or dislike for that individual.

You may be amazed to learn that you are not exactly the fair person you think you are. Most people aren’t. There will be some people that you are naturally able to 'click' with, while there will be some that you may talk to, but it is merely all superficial friendliness. There may even be a few people that you do not wish to ever see again, even though you can’t explain why you feel that way at all.

This is your subconscious mind at work, a higher - yet usually dormant - form of intelligence that you are equipped with. We call this our 'instinct' and it can be quite accurate.

The Pureto Principal usually applies in the process of friendship development - 80% of the people you meet for the first time will be mere acquaintances; these are the people you will nod to or shake hands with politely when you bump into one another again, but that will be it.

Some people claim that they 'know’ a lot of people, but what they really mean is that they have been ‘acquainted’ with a lot of people. This means that most of these people they only know superficially.

Having acquaintances is good, but it is not always good enough. Acquaintances offer breadth but not depth.

To gain depth you need to take an acquaintance to the next level - you need to develop a friendship with someone your 'social tentacle' labels as 'potential friend'.

But nothing will happen and no friendships will develop if you do not take the initiative and reach out to these people.

Friendships can be developed in two different ways - either naturally or intentionally.

Some people will naturally become your friends. You guys are 'on the same wavelength', so to speak. Everything feels right - you have common interests, cultural background, mutual friends, hobbies, life goals, etc.

But if you depend on things to happen naturally then you will have very few friends. A lot of people are like this - they only have a few friends in life.

The type of work you do should determine the size of your required social circle. If you are doing mostly creative and mental work that takes a lot of focus and concentration, you may not need many friends. In fact, having many friends may become a hindrance. Socialising does eat into the time you need for deep thinking and solidarity which is usually required by this type of work.

However, if you are in business or doing sales and marketing, the friends and friendships you possess will have a direct and defining impact on your success or failure. Usually the more friends you have, the better you will do in life. Having more friends means having more possibilities - they can be your potential customers, partners or advisors.

Being ‘friends’ means that a certain level of trust has been built. With trust, many good things can happen. After all, isn't business always built on trust and confidence?

However, being 'merely friends' is not the highest level that a friendship can reach. Some friends become very close to us, so close that we fondly call them 'buddies'.

Buddies are people who will do anything for you and you will do anything for them. Though they are not related to you by blood, they may care about you more than your own siblings do.

It is important for us to have buddies in life but we need to be even more careful in our selection of them. These are the people who will not only define who we are; they may even change our life's destiny.

In true 'buddy hood' there is a lot of sharing. Therefore, our buddies can make or break us!

A buddy who is the richest man in town may help you to become the second richest in town, but a drug-lord buddy can also get you into doing something that may cost you your life or freedom.

If peer pressure exists amongst mere friends, imagine that among buddies. So be highly selective of these people whom you will share your life with.

Do not be content to stay as mere acquaintances with people you know are worthy to become friends. Build those relationships up and make them your friends.

But do not just stay as merely friends either. Nurture friendships; take them to the highest level and turn them into true buddies.

And depending on whom your buddies are… your life may never be the same ever again.

“Life is about constantly going beyond limits!”
- Erican Chong